Just Like Bathing A Dog.

  I have bathed many a dog in my day. When you bathe a short hair dog you get them all soaped up good, then you begin to rinse.  You run your hands through their coat to release the suds to find you have their hair all over your hands. You continue to rinse, you begin to think there will be no end of the hair sticking to your hand so you say good enough. If you are like me you are in the shower with the dog. You get out dry the dog off and look down at yourself; you have dog hair all over your body.

This is exactly how it was this morning minus the dog. My new little crew cut is really coming out. Just like when bathing a dog I am surprised I still have any hair left, with as much that fell out. I am thankful I thought I had some control when my hair was gone.  The only thing I controlled was the length of hair flowing down the drain.

 No big deal just hair it will grow back. But until it all falls out completely I cannot decide if that is a look I can work with? Mrs. Clean or Kojackie?

Bring Back My Competitive Spirit

 On my very first visit to the cancer clinic I felt ill at ease. All of these people were sickly looking. I do not want to be sickly looking. However, one woman stood out. I had to look closely to see if she was a patient. She was dressed well she had a rolling case. I thought maybe she was a pharmaceutical representative. She also looked very familiar; I thought maybe our kids went to school together. Then she was gone.

  On my second visit to the clinic I saw her again. I said you look so familiar she said I did too. We introduce ourselves, her name is Ann.  We ran the gamut as too where our kids went to school, where we live, where we work, nothing?  Talking to Ann she was telling me she has done fairly well with her treatments. Ann is closing in on the end of her treatments she has 4 treatments left. Her cocktail is the same as mine.  But she thought she was going to have to drop out of a running group, she had joined. WHAT RUNNING? OH MY!

 HMMM Ann can run! I must get my hiking back on. So the next week Anita and I go to Turkey Mountain and hike 4 miles. I have got to get my stamina back up. I am returning to work March 26, 2012. After a day or two, I am no worse for the wear I walk Lafortune 3.1 mile.

It is time for my second play date.  I go into the clinic and I see a familiar face in the waiting room. She is a 65 year old woman who has ovarian cancer and I stop to ask her how she is? She looks like she is not feeling well.  She says she is not, she hurts all over.  I then see Ann I share with her what I was handing out to the receptionist and the doctor, a card with me in all of my wigs.” Disguises of Patient Rachel Newhart” Ann says “No that is not for her”. Ann wanted to remain looking just like Ann. I said “Not me I want to be anyone but me”. We sit and visit for a little while. I introduced Ann to Big Daddy. Tulsa is just too small of a town, we did find a friend of ours who Ann knew and worked with. Not only is Ann running she has continued to work. I get called back to see the doctor.

 Dr. Cole is very impressed with my blood work. He sends me back for round two of chemo.  While back in infusion Anita and I are visiting with Ann.  I mention how good my blood work is. Ann being more familiar with the important numbers asks Mesha our nurse if my numbers were better than hers? Mesha said she had to look at mine twice to see if this was my first treatment because mine were so good.   GAME ON! Yes! I have found my competitive spirit! As crazy as it might sound to most people, how do you compete on things you cannot control? It is not really a competition it is a drive, a desire to be your best. Ann gets it! I believe she will be the one I can compare how well we are, not how ill we feel.

Control vs. Optimism

 My first play date went so well with Chemo, the following week I had to ask them, did you give me the full dose of KOOL Aid. How silly of me to think they would be less than hospitable. I was just lucky Chemo did not make me too sick. I am hoping my next visit will be the same. Now that I know what to expect. “Now that I know what to expect” that is pure optimism that my body will react the same. I am optimistic; I will be keeping that thought.

Control is one of my favorite traits, I love to have control, and I am a control freak! Not like most people would think. I do not need to have control over anyone or thing. However, I NEED control over myself.  On this cancer journey, control is one thing I have felt I lost. I lost it when my body betrayed me. I thought I was controlling my health with exercise and diet.  We know how that worked out for me. 

Control is something I really never lost. What I was experiencing was a sense of loss control. I am still in control. I just have a clearer picture of what it is I can and cannot control.  For example I cannot control that I will lose my hair. I will control when it is gone. I am told on day 17 it will start to fall out. On day 15 I will visit the barber.  Some people have said what if it does not fall out.  This is where control wins over optimism.

My First Play Date With Chemo

  It was scheduled, I had my mind set, Chemo was going to be my new best friend. The day arrived March 1, 2012 it was different than any other play date I had been on. I first had to have lab work done to see if I was healthy enough to play with Chemo. Then I had to visit with his dad Dr. Cole. I thought, I sure hope Chemo is like his Dad, so easy to get along with.

I went in with back up, Big Daddy and my BFF Anita; Just in the event Chemo bite or knocked me out. The introduction was no big deal it appeared Chemo was going to be kind. I sent Big Daddy home. I felt comfortable with Chemo and Anita.

Chemo has a BIG FAMILY!  His house was full of people  getting friendly with the entire clan. Next to me was Garth Brooks ; what a great brother making sure Chemo’s family played nice with his sister. I had Garth take my picture with Anita and Chemo. I was asked where the picture of us with Garth was? I said,“ No Garth took the picture! Anita is the Super Star”

 It was time for Kool Aid a flavor Chemo called “The Red Devil”?  What kind of crazy stuff is this? I was told to eat ice while it was pushed through my IV.  It is thought to help prevent mouth sores. This stuff can eat through rubber gloves. I sure am glad I am not made of rubber. I then went to the restroom and my pee is red. I was given another bag then it was time to go home. “Bye Chemo nice play date thanks for the red pee”.

 Chemo is known for making his playmates ill after they play. Sometimes it happens right away sometimes it takes a couple of days.  I started to feel a little yuck on Saturday.  I took the medicine as directed. I am not much on taking medicine. In my head or not, I felt worse after the medicine. Next day I do not take all the recommended medicine. I am better, not great ,but not yuck! By Monday If I had too I could have powered up and gone about my day.  When Wednesday came I felt GREAT!  Thursday the proof was in the lab.  All my blood work showed Chemo and I are going to be BFF!